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I suspect that I grew up a little more in that twenty-odd minutes of quiet reflection while I waited for Jessie to arrive.You know what it’s like at the end of an important task at work? When the client has finally signed off the plans, or you’ve mailed the tender documents, or you’ve run the new sub-routine and nothing has crashed? You deserve a few minutes of quiet self-congratulation. Yeah, that kind of tranquility.Suddenly, all those sick ideas of retribution and pain that had been running through my mind in the last few weeks seemed juvenile and utterly absurd. I knew that I didn’t want revenge pure and simple, I just wanted to fully belong to my family again. If the price of that was tolerating the injustice of being excluded, and only mildly protesting their behavior, that might well be okay.I wondered again what would have happened if I had accepted Jessie’s suggestion to stay over with them after that first party – and with great chagrin I realized that it might well have. There was something very holistic and organic about what we shared and he was more than willing to nurture and heal my soul and that meant more to me than anything else. Our masculine and feminine energies complimented one another and we just seemed to fit like hand in glove.For weeks, we grew together. Our days were filled toiling in the earth, growing vegetables, expanding our consciousness academically and culturally. We were always preparing food together as we were both dedicated to a living and raw diet and we even fasted together as well. He pushed me to trust him, to trust that he loved me, to see myself as the special and unique being he saw me as. I met each challenge he gave me head on, never afraid to push myself. Much of our time was spent in meditation or doing ritual. Sometimes we sat in silence, other times would laugh, talk, and listen to music until the early hours of the morning. I loved that he never made me feel like a victim or try to pity me because I was going.
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